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Friday, June 20th, 2003
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9:57 pm - Regression is ALSO moving on.
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Event, huh? Weird twist of fate type event.
As some of you may remember, I have an alternate Livejournal account. One I started in September, that I had to cancell because of my Step dad.
Guess what? He LOVED that. He found it HALARIOUS. It was just kinda brought up again today, so.. fuck. Mom's been exaggerating.
So, with too much thinking involved, I've decided... Since I'm starting everything over anyway... IE my living arrangements, school, friends, mental situations... I'll go back to it. I had alot of fun deleting all my old entries from it today. Why did I erase them all? Because I'm starting over, and the entries were littered with my past... Lots of Ty, Lots of Kevin, and Lots of very coded things that no one else really understood at the time, but with some of the knowledge that's out there now, they'd be understood. But I don't really care... Digressing! Oy. Okay, So I'm going back to my old one. Proudly. As I like it ALOT more than I like the "iniquitousAngel" which is FAR too much typing for my taste. Sooo Back to FckChastity. YAY! Fck Chastity... is BACK. This one, unlike that, will be destroyed. But not till everyone who hasn't friended me does, and I get all my afairs with this account settled.
Yeah, that was my day, don't ever expect much, I'm psycho and like to place emphasis on things that mean squat rather than milling on my past problems. Okay. So once again:
www.livejournal.com/users/fckchastity/
current mood:  annoyed
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12:30 pm
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CUTE! Unstobbably, annoyingly globular amounts of Cute.
I want some.
Everone else has some.
I want some.
Incase anyone didn't figure it out, I am currently watching cute movies until my heart jumps out my throat and kills everyone in the neighborhood.
Which it very well may do, as there isn't a more violent part of my body than my heart. IN the words of Drew Berrymore's charector in "Charlie's Angels" (the first movie), "I must have the heart of a rhino"
Damn thing. I need entertainment other than cutesy stuff. Most of the people who wanna hang out these days are people who either are with cutesy people---Subsequently I'd be hanging out with both of them ---or have cutesy problems-- Like Asian and her ever-trying problems with her "almost" boyfriend and judgemental parents.
I want soemthing cutesy. Okay, we know I'm not cutesy by myself. Down right creepy at times, I know. But I want cute. Not pink and fluffy cute. "Awwe, if they were any more adorable together I'd vomit" Cute.
Brian and Becky have it.
Lane and Meg have it.
Asian and Sean have it.
Ty and Christina have it.
*gag* My parents have it.
Suzy and Tim have tolerable amounts of it.
and my biggest influence...
Movies. I know. Stupid. But If alla those people above and more have movie cute... Goddamnit after all I've been through I think I deserve movie cute right about now.
Eh.
current mood:  discontent
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2:40 am - Pilfered from JOE!
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| Thursday, June 19th, 2003
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7:27 am
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The clothes have beaten me.
Yes, you heard me correctly.
( Beaten By Clothing. )
Okay, so that was the first time I've been out of the house in a while. I drove mom crazy because when we left I ran out of the house, grabbed her keys and her purse, and got into the car and started it. I sat in the drivers seat impantiently and bounced a little. It's hilarious, Mom's seat is so fucking close to the wheel I looked like a person in a clown car. Well I didn't drive, obviously, 'cause I'm a little bit of a moron and don't know how.
Okay, so we go, we pick up boys, I get defeated by the purchasing items... and We come home. I fall asleep on the couch. What the fuck?! I woke up yesterday at 11! That's late enough, then I fall asleep just a little over 10 hours later. I don't get it. Then I woke up this morning at 6:30. 6-fuckin-thirty. WEIRDO. I must be crazy. I'm sleeping like I've never slept before... right after a particularly long bout of 1-2-or-3 hour sleeping.
current mood:  awake
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| Tuesday, June 17th, 2003
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9:31 pm - Stolen From Pimp.
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Pick ANY 20 LJ users on your friends list. Without revealing their names, say something about (or to) each one of them. Never reveal who is what ..
Dun think I have 20, but as many as I have I'll use.
1.) Damn you, I wish I had gotten to know you before this year, you seemed so quiet in school I had no idea you were so cool. I love that you can fuck with Laz's head.
2.) You're a Sophomore now! Yay! With that new found power, take me ice-skating. Now. Nono, RIGHT now. NOW!!
3.) You. I write ESSAYS about you. Journal Entries. Talk to my friends about you. You're the best friend I've ever had, ever will have. I love you more than anything. Unconditionally. Forever... and even after that.
4.) You're so COOL! Thank you for not hating me, and taking care of number 3, 'cause he's alot happier than I've ever known him to be.
5.) WHO THE HELL ARE YOU? You friended me, and you've friended other people I know from CHS... BUT I STILL DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE. I'm too blonde for you to confuse me like this!
6.) You're my Pimp, and always shall be, and I love you. Whatelse is there to say?
7.) I knew there were reasons to love the hell outta you. We have the same issues with the same people and I know I can always lean on you. Hugs, sweety, You're a senior now.
8.) You will always be my favorite and actually school-wise "little sister." I'm sorry, the other one was a real pain in the ass.
9.) You... you think I hate you. I don't. I just have stopped trying to talk to you when all I get is how many problems you have and how I don't know anything about you. Then tell me about you! Just stop acting like I'm a horrible bitch whose only out to get you.
10.) I've known you for a looong time, haven't I? I "met" you on your b-day and we have a long long history of smacking the homosexual AOL men. Next time I'm in CA... I'll wear you as a hat. OH! You're just SO CUTE and SO SHORT!
11.) I don't know you, well, not really But Now I know you. And you are cool. But you are kinda crazy. Just a little. Why? Because you are. I love you. Nono, I love you. Shut the hell up, I love you.
12.) I'm worried about you, but guess what? I can't do anything about it, because you're elusive. Write in your journal more. Eye-heart-you even if you don't heart you.
13.) YOU!! You and those damn pillatto pants. And the Canadia-isms. Weirdo. Sorry I never e-mailed you back, I had to change my e-mail adress because of the stupidly mean change of LJ.
14.) I've given you so many nicknames... goodness. I really have. Sorry! Stop embarressing me in public (:P) and stop molesting Gir. By the way... STOP CHERNOBYLING IN MY DIRECTION!!
15.) I've been where you are. It's freaking SCARY how similair some of our situations are. I'll come visit you at the nexxus ASAP, 'cause you know I'll go through mall-withdrawl soon. Maybe I'll buy you lunch.
---Non-LJ Readers---
1.) You know too much, and you act too much like me. Stop that.
2.) I didn't know you read this till you told me. Don't scare me like that!
3.) You barely ever read this, thankfully. 'Cause if you did you'd be far too privy too all sorts of ex-girlfriend information that I know you >should< fear. Miss you! Can't wait till you visit this summer!
_________
I have no idea if anyone else reads this. But, that's who i know of. A little. If you read this, leave a message and I'll add one for you!
current mood:  happy
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8:01 pm
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OH! OOOOH!!
Okay, so I got those two extra points for my self-esteem by finding cute pictures of Ty and I. Alright, You knew that. But what you didn't know is this;
TWO POINTS IS A LOT!!!
How much a lot?? I Looked at a picture of someone, whose very existence once baffled and confused me, and I said;
"Ha! Look at that! I am SO hotter than her."
AHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Woo!
AND
Oh, you have to read this one...
AND
I currently weigh LESS than I did in December. Which is like.. me losing about 15 lbs. HOW THE HELL DID I DO THAT?! How do you lose weight and not look thinner?! I mean, My breasts grew, but other than that... I'm the same size Kitty BUT 15 LBS LIGHTER!!
I'M HOTTER THAN HER
AND
I AM NOT A COW!
Oh, I'm happy. I mean, I thought I was mediumly okay before, but now I'm just fucking happy.
I'm sure this illusion will wear off. I don't really want it to, but again, I don't want to be delluded. But when it hits ya.... after 18 years lof thinkin' ya look like dog shit... finding ONE person who looks worse than you suddenly makes you want to stand up and fucking dance like you're the hottest thing in the world.
Kati, Julie, Asian and like 400 of my friends are still hotter than me, but I'm still Hot. VIVA!!!!
One more Point for me!
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5:14 am
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I can't sleep.
Not that I've tried increadibly hard, but I think I could even try to fucntion during the day and actually sleep at a decent hour if I stay up.
Ya never know with me, I'm not sure if I will, but that's something to think about.
I have a shitlaod of things to payfor my my magic credit card...
Todays sunrise id pink. I mean, really pink. Pink and purple... ya know, I usually think of sunrises and sunsets as oranges, reds and purples... not lavender and pink. It's still cute, but... Missing something. Maybe I really am tired. Eh, who knows.
I think my glands are swollen, they hurt a bit. Eh, Goodness knows. I've been cold every night, maybe it's just a cold. Silly Kat.
I need a hug. Really rather badly. Yes, a hug. I mean, I have issues. Everyone does. And I have minor stresses. But Issues and Minor stresses plus headaches, irritations and whatever else should chose to come my way, I could really use a hug. Which would be interesting, because I haven't seen anyone outside my family in 4 days. Eh, I think I just need a friend. Someone who I don't have to or feel the need to hold shit back from. Thats it, I need to be schitzophrenic.
You are.
Okay, I need to be schitzophrenic with someone less screwed up than me, 'cause two of mes just cause headaches.
You're telling me.
Oh... Die.
Anyway... As I said before, I think the sleepies have caught me, and stuffed me in the cotton jar. My eyelids are dooping much as wet wings, my heart is beating much as a turtle. I think it's time to sleep.
Take care, I'll write more later, of course. Because it's inevitable, because I have nothing else to do all day.
current mood:  determined
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Monday, June 16th, 2003
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11:55 pm
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9:18 pm - BEER FOR ALL!! I look CUTE!
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http://iniquitousangel.tripod.com/lj.html
Careful, Fuckin' Pop ups and Tripod adds are everywhere, but I'm too cheap to actually pay for my own server.
I put most of an entry on that website, 'cause LJ and Tripod don't like eachother and refuse to let my links to pictures work, so hopefully that one will. Stupid LJ and Tripod.
current mood:  flirty
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2:24 am
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Sign of the Apocolypse:
I'm tired before 5 am. HOLY SHIT.
Got up early, Bought a new camera, went to mass, ate a really horrible breakfast, went shopping, bought some candy for Fahza, and came home. To a Phone. And I talked to Bri. 'Cause I needed to, and 'cause I every so often need it.
It's not very often in a life someone gets a friend like him. I'm gunna get all mushy now, but I'm not going to write it, save to say that I was damn lucky my Mom married his uncle, and even luckier we stayed close even when they aren't.
current mood:  tired
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| Sunday, June 15th, 2003
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8:53 pm - Tweak my Gizard? Kiss my ass!
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Why is it mandatory for people to fuck with me? What's hilarious is that I always act like I'm really really confused or like I'm actually getting fucked with. I guess it's my way of fucking with them, too.
If the person trying to fuck with me actually existed, which I have decided he doesn't, I have two words, courtesy of BriBri:
Lynch.
Mob.
^.^
2 fruit coolers, a Diet coke and a gatorade down...
On to fruit cooler 3.
OOH! Cool Quote!
"May Acidic Snails Eat away at your break lines"
Oh, how many times would I like to say that to someone? PENIS!!
What the...?
I must have turrets syndrome.
Riiight...
...No, I lied. It goes there. ^.^
More later!
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8:49 am - Stupid "Human" Pieces.
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Shake it off, Kat.
I find myself being really mean spirited. Just in the way I've been thinking. Taking on a very, "Serves them right!" attitude, which I don't understand, cause I really never held anything like that. Gr. Somebody musta taken my sweet, understanding side and eaten it! Who ever ate it better gimme it back 'fore I turn them into GOO!! Eh, I haven't been that horrible, but I feel the little pangs of guilt for even thinking mean. Ew. Stupid Mean.
current mood: Mean
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2:04 am
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So... If I had wings, would I really use them?
Ponder, ponder, ponder...
Well, The only places I'd have to go to are NY, NC, and CO... And there's not that much of a draw anywhere but to NY. And that is? Brian and Becky and Jen. NC... I could Go see My Nathan and Katie and Daddy and Lisa. But with wings I'd be able to leave any time I'd want.
I'd imagine if I had wings I'd also lose a significant amount of weight, 'cause I'd do alot of exercise because I don't think I'd need a drivers license to fly by my own wings. And I'd fly all the time... everywhere. School to home to school to NC to NY... wherever I'd want to go.
Where'd that come from? A friend's away message. "If you had wings, what would you do with them?"
My reply:
"I'd fuckin' use 'em, duh!"
Mass. Tomorrow---erp, THIS morning I'm going to Mass with Mom and Fahza since Kati and Josh (the only people who drive me to church) are on a trip. So, I asked Mom if she wanted to take me to Mass. She nearly jumped the gun when I asked her... half jumping out of her seat like she's been Dying to drag me.
Hm. I think I've re-evaluated my favorite movie's list. Which is amazing because I love ALL Movies. You'll be able to tell by the fact that the list goes on... and on... and on... and on.
Boondock Saints. It's a Shittin' great movie, and the irishmen are hot, what can I say? The "Hot Guy" Factor is VERY high there.
Interview with the Vampire. Because it's got a killer cast, scrumptious plot and is just all around cool....more "Hot Guy Factor." Mmmm....
Zombie Flesh Eaters. Because it's just so awful!
Crazy/Beautiful. Because I'm a romantic somewhere. The Movie just makes me melt.
American Beauty, Moulin Rouge, Spirited Away'Cause they're cracked out movies that're SO COOL.
Paint Your Wagon Because it's just... old. Family thing. It's about whores. And I am the "Russian Whore" So I guess... I dunno. Love Lee Marvin and Clint Eastwood.
X-men and X-men 2, Spiderman and DareDevil Because I'm a Comic girl.
Shrek. Because face it, it's an adorable movie. Okay, so it's got some cute history on it, too.
Monsters Inc., Lilo and Stitch Because it's fuckin' adorable and I wanna be Mr. Bubbles.
Triple X. Because the "Hot Guy" Factor out-weighs ALOT of crap. That and I like action, I think.
The Princess Bride, Labyrinth. Family classics, Love 'em till I die because of that factor alone.
Attack Of the Killer Tomatoes Another one of those "just so awful!" Movies that I can't pry away from.
current mood:  restless
current music: No Doubt- Exgirlfriend
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| Saturday, June 14th, 2003
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12:54 pm
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Stayed up past sunrise.
Damn, Never has something I hated so much looked so beautiful.
I went to sleep soon after that. About 5:15 in the morning. Was just... happy. Everything just fit. Beautiful sunrise added to my less-than-perfect existance and suddenly I was just happy.
Weird, Huh? I'm just... so bubbly. Damn bubblyness.
current mood:  bouncy
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4:01 am
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I wrote a poem earlier, called it "On My Mind"...
( On My Mind. )
Frankly I know exactly what I was thinking but I'm freezing to death at the moment... the window's open you see, and I'm wearing short sleeves and no socks... and explaining isn't my forte.
I finally let go of it. That huge, obnoxious weight on my chest... I lifted it. But to what point? To what avail? I don't know. I probably never will. But I can deal with it now. It's up, it's off... now I can dispose of the whole thing rather than just chip pieces off of it.
Yeah, cryptic, I know... but it's a problem soon gone away. Well, It'll never really go away.. but it'll shift shapes. From a problem to a memory... Something to learn from. Even cherish. I think I will. I think I do, even. I Cherish it already.
Oh, I really need to stretch out. I can't sleep normal hours anymore for some reason. Always up until 4 or 5, always sleeping until 12 or 1. Hey, it's better than insomnia! Good hours of sleep during "morning" times. Icky. The less sun the better, I say.
I feel like I could fly. But I don't know why. You'd think that I'd be tired. No-no, too cold to be tired... instead, I think I'll just read... pop on-line and update myself on the web comics I've not paid attention to. Update myself on the stupidities of the AOL based "information"
I dunno if I wrote this yet... I bought some "hooker boots". They're AWESOME. I bought them with TQ-Jennerboonie, and SHIT they're wonderful. They're about 5-6 inches heeled, and they go all the way up my shins. ALL THE WAY. They're black and tight and Cat-womanish. Well, If Cat-Woman were a hooker, anyway. Damn. I swear guys, eventually this summer I will just take a picture of all my boots and show you them... they're really awesome, I must say. Unfortunately, this newest pair hurt my feet like hell, but you'd expect that out of any 6 inch heel. I intend to get that fixed, though, the gel inserts worked really well in my other shoes, why not try them in my boots? Mwahahaha! Black Pleather Cat-Woman Hooker Boots! I know, I'm odd, but really... they're fuckin' awesome
Heehee.
current mood:  energetic
current music: "Don't Make Me Another Notch In That Belt"
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12:33 am
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| Friday, June 13th, 2003
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1:46 am
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Mouth on fire... Very hot rice. Hot rice! Put out the fire! Mmmmm Fuzzy Navel Malt cooler... More fire! Boondock saints.... too hot not to start a fire!! Lip-lick. MMmm... Hot Irishmen.
Okay. Vision today. Hit a subject I didn't want to touch, then started in on secret sins. I don't need the sins of my past being revisited, much less with where my mind has been lately... so I walked home.
It's only 4 miles, so, eh.
Yes, I walked. Eventually passed a car and a guy pulled over and asked where Milwakee was so he could go to some place to meet his friends. God knows I know where it is, just... I wasn't sure where I was. I was walking around at 9 at night in the dark on a road I didn't know. Wound up talking to him... blahblahblah... He drove me to my subdivision and I made a friend!
Yeah, I know. Not smart. Oh well, it happened.
I have another friend mad at me. All I can manage to say is, "Eh, Fuckle." and move on. Fine, Be mad, think I'm full of it. Just leave me alone then, and bug me about it when your life is perfect, then you can fuck yourself because frankly, I'm done.
I fuckin' Love Boondock Saints. Irishmen are Hot. And Willem Dafoe makes a great woman.
current mood:  blah
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| Thursday, June 12th, 2003
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11:09 pm
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4:38 pm
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i just painted one set of my nails so i'm typing with one hand, forgive my lack of capital letters.
i'm afraid of becoming that psychotically embittered woman. ya know, movies always show women-- men for that matter,-- who are total bitches in the beginning who eventually become loving, sweet people. or even are just plain mean people who turn out to have this amazing sweet side. well. news flash. i'm not psychotically mean, don'tcha think it could work the other way around, i mean, i'm kinda nice, kinda sweet ... okay, hormonal, but sweet. what if thats what i wind up being in 20 years? ten even. I mean, weirder things have happened. innocent little me, who was afraid of sex, was all talk to action, alcohol, and was a proclaimed atheist and happy with it, suddenly --within a span of 6 months-- becomes a christian non-virgin drinker. now who could actually say they saw that coming? not me, thats for damn sure. so what's to say that i won't become 'psychotically embittered'?
its a scarey thought. very. what if i do become that, i mean obviously i'm going to do as much as i possibly can not to, but god knows what'll happen.
i didn't used to be this girly either. i watch girly movies now. gag. i have so much jewelry that i had to organize it this morning. i wear skirts and dresses. i brush my hair everytime i get out of a car. i fix my make up incessantly. eeewww. i'm all girly and the like. i did my fucking nails for crap sake.
oy. so what's to stop me from becoming some weird careless lady with a cold heart in a few years. I can see it. i don't necesarily like it, but i can see it.
ew.
current mood:  contemplative
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| Wednesday, June 11th, 2003
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11:39 pm
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Got to hang out with Lane today.
Was much cool.
Waiting for anyone else to try and kidnap me.
If your bored, by all means... I'm usually Kidnapable.
I think Lane knows too much, now. 'Cause I'm not used to people being around who know why I'm crying, or what I'm feeling at any given moment. It's creepy, No one does that. I'm too moody for even most of my best friends to catch that something's even wrong, much less for one to tell me it's okay without me having to go through a long-winded explination. Much more used to people thinking I'm just being weird.
I have to call Asian. I have to get our vacation planned. We need to go somewhere that's not here.
Yes. Yes we do.
I'll think of more to post later.
TOAST!
current mood: Random
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iniquitousangel's journal
